Pick One Person to Help

Then Help as Much as you Can

Pick one person to help, then help him or her as much as you can. I have picked my driver, Ashif and his five mates, including his brother-in-law, Moinu.

Before I bought my SUV, I relied on the very reliable services of Ashif. He took me to and from the university, guided me through the phone souk, computer souk, fabric souk, and other shopping destinations, sat by my bedside while I recovered from three surgeries, picked up my dry cleaning, got a new battery for my swim watch, and performed other tasks. I quickly started calling him my personal assistant, which he enjoyed.  

He arrived on time.  Waited patiently for me to get to his car and safely seated.  He learned I liked to ride with the radio off.  He knew I would comment, then share the report, on the air quality in Doha. 

Each year, for two to three months over the summer, he would go back to Kerala, India to stay with his family. His daily calls on a video app would turn into long days playing with his kids and making love to his wife. For three consecutive years, he returned to Doha expecting a new baby. He'd leave with a trunk load of gifts. He'd return in time to start driving kids to school or when his savings ran out. Sometimes, he'd borrow money from me to pay pending bills. He always repaid it as promised.

But, his depression, upon return, was not hard to detect.

Every year, I'd give him a pep talk. The first year, he had not heard it before. The following years, he'd ask to hear it again. I'd say that "this is what men do." They take care of their families, even at a significant cost to themselves. They create a better life for their children. They provide security, love, and model behavior. It's what good men did.

Ashif's dad died young of alcohol abuse. Ashif became the head of his family in his early teens. He's quite smart, but poorly educated. Funny. Sweet. Humble. Handsome. He paid for his sisters' weddings. He sends money home for his family of four. He has built a house for them. Does he have a mortgage?

When they closed the schools and most businesses, his clients no longer needed him. In a very short time, he and his mates were both food and housing insecure.

In April, I paid for two big trips to the grocery store, helped him get free handouts of fruit and vegetables, and paid the rent on the two apartments they use.

This week, I learned that he had taken a job as a porter at a cement plant. He was doing it to pay May rent. I pictured him hauling cement bags by hand (as I have seen many laborers do here rather than use machinery for the work). This is the first week of Ramadan. Was he trying to do this heavy labor while fasting?

I did not tell him to quit. He's a competent man who can make that decision. But, I did tell him I would cover rent and groceries again for May. He had been afraid to ask.

This story is played out all over the world in all possible variations. So, pick one person, then help that person as much as you can.