The Red Velvet Lawyer

Pioneer in Field  Discusses Five Impasse Breaking Techniques This week, I was very fortunate to interview nationally known mediator, Bob Creo, for one of my webinars for my online course: Mediation with Heart: Web-Based Training for Change Agents .  I launched the online course in mid-May. This interview was the first one in which I used the expertise of a leader in the field to enhance the learning experience for my students.  It was such a great experience, I plan to record more webinars with leaders in the field.  The link to the replay of the webinar is here .  Don't miss this opportunity to learn from a master.  Creo's Background Bob Creo is a pioneer in the field of dispute resolution having begun his career as a neutral in 1979, long before courts began to adopt court-connected ADR programs. Accordingly, he has several decades of experience as a practicing mediator, arbitrator, and special master.   He continues to research and teach about the mediatio

Celebrating my "Silver Jubilee" I took three weeks off this summer to travel with two friends for my "silver jubilee" celebration of my 60th birthday.   We drove across the U.S. to the redwood forests of Northern California, then caught up with two alumni in Lake Tahoe, then spent three days in Yosemite. The trip reinforced many ideas I have.  First, we live in a land of great abundance: cropland, trees, natural beauty, wildlife, energy resources, and people. Second, money is just a form of energy according to my business coach, Christine Kane . The happiness experts advise to buy experiences and not stuff, if you want to be happier.  So, I tried to circulate as much money as possible on this trip to buy memorable experiences: nicer hotel stays, expensive meals, excellent wine, and a boat ride on Lake Tahoe. I want to thank my friend, Carol, who could not join us, for giving me a very big check that enhanced my ability to spend during this t

Web Tools  That Make  the Negotiation Easier After graduating from law school and joining the largest law firm in Oklahoma, I bought my first new car.  It was a Toyota Camry.  Beforehand, I thoroughly read and applied the advice found in a book on buying a new car.   Today, the web puts you a few clicks away from very good advice on the subject.  This morning, I found this site offered by CNN Money on Tips for Buying a New Car .  It offered advice on a number of topics: Buying the right car Determining your car budget Buy ing a new or used car Should you buy or lease a new vehicle Shopping for car loans and credit Setting your target car price Negotiating   a car deal Closing the deal on a new car More vehicle negotiation options The page on setting your target price was especially helpful. It cited sources of objective criteria that  equalize the negotiating power of the parties.  First, it gives you links to online sources that provide three piece

Reason for My Preference for Used SUVs? Last week, as I pondered where this series was headed, I asked my Dad to describe all the cars he had owned in his life.  The three things that his description made clear was this.  First, the cars were often used. Second, they were always very utilitarian. They hauled people and things.  Third, my parents drove them into the ground before they bought something new (or newer). So, here's my Dad's narrative. Photos show model and style, but not necessarily the color of his cars.  The Single Guy's Car Okay, before I was married, I had a [used] 1938 Chevy that I had overhauled professionally then salvaged replacement fenders and a steering gear from the local junkyard and installed them myself.  I paid good money for a sun visor that mounted above the window on the outside.  Of course, the fenders did not match the body so I used a brush and exterior paint to paint the whole damn thing brush-streaked black.  If I was not perceiv

The Beloved Bug Which brings me to the mindset limitations I've had to face about cars.   My parents started married life driving a new VW bug.  It may have been one of the first imports to the U.S., which seem to have started in about 1956, two years after my birth.  It was beige with a beige interior.    I drove it as a teenager.  The battery sat on the back floor on the driver's side. Eventually, the floor rusted out. One day, as I was driving the bug to high school, the battery fell out on the street. Undaunted, my Dad cut a piece of shelving board long and wide enough to cover the hole in the floor, and I continued to drive the car until I left for college.   I earned a reputation for two things while driving that car.  I learned to back up long distances. (Perhaps this is one reason I find the rear-collision inducing design of the cross-over styling so irksome. It makes me a less proficient back-up driver!)   And, being even a distracted driver then, I'd

You Betcha!   Not so Much. On the morning of July 4th, I headed to the Tri-Cities Mazda dealership. Shelly Fair, "Sales Consultant," saw me in the lot, walked out of the building, and greeted me with a warm smile and handshake.  She established rapport quickly, but gently, asking about my interests and needs.  Which car did I find attractive? Why?  What needs was I trying to meet? Interest and Needs Most cars today are well-built, well-designed, high-functioning pieces of technology. Even the more poorly rated vehicles would be just fine to own and drive. So, choosing a car requires focus on the attributes and features that, frankly, fall in what I'd call "lifestyle choices." Surprisingly, I was looking to downsize from a 6-cylinder to a 4-cylinder engine.   Recently, I got my fifth speeding ticket. After I was no longer "madder than a wet hen," it occurred to me that I had gotten every darn one of them since I bought the zi

Bargaining Between  Sophisticated Negotiators I've decided to replace my 2005 Nissan Murano with a newer model, used car.  I applied all the rules of interest-based and distributive bargaining that I teach in my course.  I plan to blog about the experience over the next several days.  Background: People hate shopping for cars.  We are not a "haggle" culture.  It's the reason that Saturn's "no-dicker-sticker" proved to be such a popular selling technique.   Studies show that U.S. buyers tolerate about 3 or 4 rounds of bargaining.  In contrast, people living in haggling cultures will engage in 10 to 15 rounds of bargaining.  Guess who typically gets the better deal? Because we lack experience in bargaining for small things like food and clothing, bargaining for an expensive car brings great anxiety to most people in the U.S. But, I teach negotiation.  In fact, I am one of the very few law professors in the U.S. to teach how

Make a List. Do it Twice. In my last post , I described the first steps in finding clients for your products or services.  Today, I promised to talk about the sources of clients.  Christine Kane, in her business coaching programs , suggests we consider three sources of clients: People you know; People other people know; and People "who gather." People You Know Selling yourself to people you know if by far the easiest place to start.  After all, if you have lived and acted appropriately, these people love you, respect you, and care about your success.  Quite simply: "People buy from people they know, like, and trust," says Christine.   These folks, however, need information about what you offer, how you work, and whom you want to serve before they can refer ideal clients to you, including themselves.  Make a List So, list one hundred people that you know.  Yes, sit down with two blank pieces of paper and put one name on eve

Strategies,  Not Hope! So back to the 3-day conference held by Christine Kane for clients in her UpLevel Your Business, Gold Mastermind, and Platinum Coaching programs --- The last element of the first day of coaching covered "How to Get Clients."  ASL graduates and other lawyers:  Pay Attention! So, what are the mistakes we make? Your only strategy is HOPE. You drank the social media Kool-Aid.   You think on-line marketing means never having to deal with actual people. "Hey, if I'm good, clients will just find me. The one-and-done approach. So, what shifts can you make to improve your ability to attract ideal clients? Think clearly and develop a marketing strategy. Then, implement the marketing strategy authentically and consistently. Build your business or practice by working one-on-one with clients, serve them very well, and then use them as referral sources. Use social media as one vehicle while you set up an easier a

100 Mediators  to Help  Those Still Suffering I don't often republish an article in its entirety, but for this one, I have made an exception.   The Third Branch News released the story. Eastern District of New York Looks to Mediators to Expedite Sandy Cases (June 26, 2014) Related Links: Eastern District of New York, Hurricane Sandy Cases   In 2012, Super Storm Sandy destroyed an estimated 650,000 homes and affected over 300,000 businesses along the Atlantic seaboard. Affected homeowners and businesses have filed over 1,000 Super Storm Sandy-related insurance coverage actions in the Eastern District of New York. That number is expected to double or even triple in the coming months. The district has developed a special program to expedite those cases. “Most of our cases involve property damage or business interruption claims filed against insurance companies by homeowners and businesses hit by Sandy. For cases brought under the National Flood Insurance Progr

Identifying and Successfully Communicating with Your ideal Client A lot of ink has been used to print books helping business owners identify, communicate with, and successfully serve their ideal clients.   In a post some time ago, I discussed the “long tail” even entrepreneurs can identify and serve.   The U.S. is no longer one big market.  It’s a multitude of micro-markets finding support, service, and products through the web. If you deeply understand the micro-market you want to serve, you can then have a conversation with those ideal clients in a way that attracts them to your services and products.  Christine Kane , my business coach, suggests our ideal clients are looking to resolve or avoid these frequent sources of pain: Lack of harmony. Stress on relationships. Damaged relationships. Stressed communities. As a conflict resolution professional, I find this list compelling.  As human beings we yearn for connection, peace of mind, and healt

Holding the  Promise for my Students During one part of the three day UpLevel Your Business conference presentation in Atlanta, one of Christine Kane’s statements really struck a chord with me.  She said: “You must see your students as more successful than they can see themselves.  You can see where they are meant to go.” As I mentioned in an earlier post , I launched my new business – Mediation with Heart: Web-Based Training for Change Agents the same week as the conference in Atlanta.  It offers the first web-based training for mediators in the U.S. and perhaps in the world.  With respect to all my students, I know where they will be at the end of the 40-hours of training.  They will be empowered, reflective, highly-motivated, and anxious to begin using the skills they have learned to change the world.  Two of the students are Presbyterian ministers who plan to use the skills to intervene in intra-congregational conflict -- primarily in disputes inv

More About "I'M IN" So yesterday, I began describing the specific programming for the 3-day conference of UpLevel Your Business 2014.  Christine Kane has developed this group coaching program that has helped so many people, especially entrepreneurial women who own heart-centered businesses.  I described the components of the incantation: "I'M IN." It contains several components: I'm fully engaged. I'm here. I'm willing to exit my comfort zone. I take imperfect action. I'm worth investing in! This is monthly, weekly, daily, hourly, minute-ly work.   I talked yesterday about the first three components and, today, I'll talk about the remaining ones.  I take imperfect action!     I loved this part of the declaration.  First, I teach the enneagram, and I suspected that many "Ones" in the conference room are paralyzed by doing anything imperfectly. This declaration gave them permission to launch

I'M IN  As I mentioned in earlier blogs this month, I attended -- for the second time -- the UpLevel Your Business (ULYB) Live 2014 conference in Atlanta. Approximately 300 other women and men joined me for this training in mindset and strategy for entrepreneurs in heart-centered businesses. #UYB2014 The First Session of Day 1 The conference opened with what I would call buy-in and some basic mindset training.  Last year, as we walked into the conference, we all got large buttons reading: "I'M IN!"  I still have mine from a year ago.  Over the next three days, we would say "I'M IN" in unison when  Christine Kane invited us to make the declaration, almost (as she reminded us) as an incantation.  This incantation or mantra started the buy-in.  It contains several components: I'm fully engaged. I'm here. I'm willing to exit my comfort zone. I take imperfect action. I'm worth investing in! This is monthly, weekly, da